Boris Johnson Says
Boris Johnson is the former Conservative Shadow Higher Education secretary, Member of Parliament for Henley in Oxfordshire and now the prospective Conservative Candidate for Mayor of London.
A Special Election Message
Boris Johnson: Words Of Wisdom
With two or three years before the next general election, many students are beginning to look around for who to give their vote.
Well known for his often amusing wit and turns of phrase, Boris Johnson, the former Conservative Shadow Higher Education secretary (and regular guest presenter on the BBC’s ‘Have I Got News For You’ satirical quiz-show) has decided to impart his knowledge and advice to University students throughout the land… So, (with bated breath) it’s over to you Boris:
Strewth. Well now… ha! Blimey and indeed just a little bit crikey. Where was I? Ah, elections, yes… Labour party. Bounders, cads and rum coves. Every man jack one of them. Reminds me of Papua New Guinea. Heck, can’t say that. Er… gosh. Sorry. What was I meant to say? Ah, yes. Lib Dems. Scallywags. Not just empty; they’re a void within a vacuum surrounded by a vast inanition. Think of Oaten… Actually on second thoughts perhaps don’t…
So, anyway, come on chaps. Vote Tory, and you gals. Put the Tory love spud in your oven. Gas mark 4 years. Result. Albion. Land of the poets. Lower taxes. More Boris. Er… that’s it. Oh yes. Nearly forgot to mention the green things… What did the chief call them? Trees! That’s it. Trees… and squirrels. Lots of squirrels. Green fields. Flowers… Did I mention more Boris?*
Further Words Of Wisdom
A Collection Of Great Quotations
Over the years, Boris has imparted on just about anyone willing to listen his ‘words of wisdom’. Here are just a few of our favourite Boris quotes:
- Explaining why he quit after a week as a management consultant, Boris commented:
- Try as I might, I could not look at an overhead projection of a growth profit matrix, and stay conscious.
- Asked by pupils of Gillott’s School in his constituency whether he would like the job of Prime Minister, Boris replied:
- I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.
- Writing in the Daily Telegraph for an article entitled ‘The less said about the Lib Dems, the better’, Boris wrote:
- The Lib Dems are not just empty. They are a void within a vacuum surrounded by a vast inanition.
- Boris’ reaction to the Hutton Report was particularly illuminating:
- It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.
- And at another time, Boris on Tony Blair:
- He’s lost the plot, people tell me. He’s drifting rudderless in the wide Sargasso Sea of New Labour’s ideological vacuum.
- A slightly surprised Boris commenting on being appointed Shadow Arts Minister:
- Look the point is… er, what is the point? It’s a tough job but somebody has got to do it.
- Boris Johnson on the General Election campaign trail in 2005 told voters:
- Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.
- When asked about the 24/7 drinking legislation, Boris hastily replied:
- I’m very attracted to it. I may be diverting from Tory party policy here, but I don’t care.
- When interviewed about his ‘tackle’ on German midfielder Maurizio Gaudino in a charity football match, Boris told reporters:
- I’m a rugby player, really, and I knew I was going to get to him, and when he was about two yards away I just put my head down. There was no malice. I was going for the ball with my head, which I understand is a legitimate move in soccer.
For more on Boris Johnson and his daily musings, please visit his personal weblog at Boris-Johnson.com.
